Do you have The Will To Win?

Okay, so I'm going to be extremely candid with this post.  For those not familiar with the corporate jargon, candid basically means keeping it 100! Or 8 more than 92 wit it, one hunnid!

 (sorry, too much Drake! lol)

The further I get in the pursuit of owning my own business the more conversations I end up having with people that claim they also want to start their own business or find a new job or company to work for because their current situation isn't working out the way they had hoped.

I can totally dig that, because all of those reasons are in part what's motivated me to pursue my dream of opening a salon and barbershop.  However, what I can't dig, is 5 to 12 months later those same people are saying the exact same thing with no progress.

Now, I get it, we all complain. Real talk, I've started paying more attention to how much I complain and I'm starting to get on my own damn nerves.  There's nothing wrong with talking to people about your problems and the obstacles you face, that's natural. It does become a problem if you're constantly making excuses for yourself and not willing to put in the work to make a change.

In my opinion, to win in life, there are 4 Keys to Success!  This is applicable to success in life, period. Even if you don't want to own your own business, or you're happy with your job, these are keys that will take you far in life to achieve and acquire whatever it is you want out of life.

1.  FEARLESS

To achieve any type of success in your life you cannot embody the spirit of fear.  

• You cannot be afraid of what people will think of you. 
• You cannot be afraid to talk to people outside of your circle.  
• You cannot be afraid to share your vision.
• You cannot be afraid to hear the word, "no."
• You cannot be afraid to ask for help.

Venture Connects - Networking Event 

Let's face it, if you're a minority trying to go into business or find a job you need to talk to people outside of your immediate network.  It's natural that we tend to mingle with people that are like ourselves because it's comfortable and it's familiar.  The reality is, not many of our family or friends are CEO's or executives of companies.  A lot of us don't have colleagues that can invest thousands of dollars in our business ventures, as brilliant as the idea might be. Now, if you allow this to stop you then you're not really a boss! By that I mean that hashtag, #boss, that everybody wants to put on their Facebook and IG posts.  No, you're not a boss or a hustler! You're not grinding and you sure as hell ain't on "beast mode," because if you were you'd find a way to meet people that could help you.

Perfect example, my GoFundMe campaign has been up for 4 months.  To date, I've raised $2,565 from the donations of 35 family members and friends.  My goal is $50,000 so clearly I have a ways to go.  Now, I could give up and say there's no way I'm going to hit $50K at this rate, and truth be told most of my Facebook friends and family are not in the position to donate large sums of cash to me because they have their own financial situations they have to deal with. 

I spy Kesia King working the room in her red blazer! LOL.

So, it would be naive of me to depend on just this one resource, right? Of course!  I have to go sniff out the big money, the investors, the people that do this for a living.  So what does that mean?  That means doing all the things I said you can't be afraid to do. I've been to at least six different networking events, by myself, sharing my vision and telling people how much money I need to raise and why they should help me.  Not only am I typically one of very few females in the room, but I'm generally the only black woman in attendance.  Talk about out of your comfort zone!  But if you want something bad enough, you'll do whatever it takes! 

Please believe, God helps those that help themselves. At the last event in August, I met an investor interested in my business concept.  We've now met on two different occasions and we're getting closer and closer to finalizing a deal.

2.  PASSIONATE

Plain and simple, passion shows through your actions.  You can't just tell someone your passionate about something, they should be able to see your passion.  Some might look at my social media profiles and blog and say, "she thinks she's cute all those damn selfies." Hahaha! I know that's what some of y'all think!  But honest to God, I love showing off the different styles I create with my hair.  I didn't go to hair school so sometimes I amaze myself at some of the hairstyles I'm capable of pulling off.  One things for sure, no one will ever doubt my passion for hair and no one would ever wonder why I decided to own a business in the beauty industry, because I share my passion with people everyday.

3. AMBITIOUS

Everyone can dream and have dreams but not everyone has ambition. According to Dictionary.com, ambition is, "the desire and determination to achieve success."  What you have to ask yourself is, how far are you willing to go to achieve success?  Are you the type of person to hear "no" once, and then give up?  Are you the type of person to say, "well I don't have the money, so I can't do that"?  Have you ever said, "so and so doesn't think this is possible, so it really doesn't make sense for me to try?" If you've ever said these things, sorry, you're not going to achieve the success you've dreamed for because you're not truly ambitious (and if you let me tell you you're not going to achieve success then you completely just missed my point lol). Ambitious people find a way.  If you're ambitious you kick, scratch, crawl and pull your way to the top. If you're ambitious you create opportunities, you don't sit back waiting for opportunities to come to you.  

4. RELENTLESS

If you're not physically and mentally drained every night while in pursuit to make your dream a reality then you are not relentless in your attempt to reach success.

• "But Kesia, I have kids" 
• "But Kesia, I have family members to take care of" 
• "But Kesia, I work full-time"
• "But Kesia, I don't have a car"
• "But Kesia, I'm not as outgoing as you are"

"Yaddy, yaddy, yaddy" as Tyrone Bigsby, Dave Chapelle's crackhead character on "The Chappelle Show" would often say. We all have responsibilities, that's life.  It's those that carve-out time to focus on themselves and their dreams that will be successful. If you're not going to be persistent than don't even think about changing your situation because the only way that's going to happen is if you say to yourself, "Self, I will not stop until I make this happen!" If you can't say that, then learn to get comfortable in the position you're currently in, because you're going to be there for awhile.

Substantiate your hashtag #boss, by getting in tune with the four keys to success! Help yourself and our community by living your dream and being an example for generations to follow.  What will your legacy be? And will they say, you had the will to win?

The Mary Jane Syndrome

Being labeled a "strong black woman" used to be a badge of honor.  A "strong black woman" takes on every battle life throws her way, while smiling with all thirty-two teeth, wearing 6 inch heels, a brief case on her shoulder, a baby bottle in her right hand a spatula in her left while on the phone listening to someone else's problems, when deep down she knows that she's actually the one that needs to be laying on somebody's couch, airing it all out!

It's funny because a couple weeks ago when I threw this particular outfit on, I was dealing with some internal struggles myself.  Now, add in my homemade, bone straight wig, red shoes and matching red clutch, when I looked in the mirror I immediately felt like Mary Jane Paul, from Being Mary Jane!  I can relate to Mary Jane, because on the outside, she always looks like she has it together. If you've watched the show on BET, you know when she walks into a room her presence demands attention. She has the perfect physic and is always rocking fashion forward designer threads. Ontop of all that, she has the high profile, well paying job and lives in an extravagant home.  On paper and in front of the world she appears to have the perfect life.

What I love about the show is you see Mary Jane's insecurities, her faults, her desperation, her anger and her shame.  "Strong black women," mask so much pain just to prove to the world that nothing can defeat or weaken us. No matter how traumatic, tough or painful a situation is, I will not allow myself to miss a beat.  There are no "time-outs" for me.  I tell myself to keep smiling,  cry only when those around me are sleep, and lie to myself that I'm good, when I know damn well I'm not. The more I write the more I really think my appearance is my disguise. I need to look like I have it together, when Lord knows there are plenty days I really don't.

Don't get me wrong, God has blessed me in so many ways and I am grateful for all he has given. I'm talking about the day to day grind, the grit if you will, and how overwhelming it can all be.  Lately my biggest struggle has been the transition from one to two kids, while being a full-time employee, wife and aspiring entrepreneur.  Trying to make sure I give each aspect of my life the appropriate attention without feeling like I'm neglecting my children, husband, job and my own personal dreams of success.

There's really no simple way to say it, It's hard out here in these streets!

Tardiness. Any article you read about habits of successful people you'll see that they wake up early and they are always on time.  Unfortunately, I haven't mastered either one but I do not like to be late nor do I find it acceptable.  I absolutely hate the fact most mornings I'm huffing and puffing to get out the door and drop off both kids.  Even in the rare occasion I pack things up at night, my one year old loves to poop as soon as we're headed out the door.  As much as I'd like to tell myself that having two kids is a great excuse to be late for work, it really isn't.

Submission.  With my husband having a more senior role at work, he has more meetings he can't miss. He also has a team that reports to him so he is accountable for others beyond himself. This means when the kids are sick, mommy's leaving work to pick them up.  This one is a double whammy for me.  Yes, moms are generally the "nurse" to their children by nature, but I won't act like it's not a hit to my ego since I always pictured myself to be that independent, career focused women, but reality is, my kids have to come first.  One thing people don't tell you before having kids, is that you really do give up pieces of you.  There's no room for selfishness, when duty calls you must submit to your family.

Priorities.  Momma "D" was famous for understanding her priorities, she was quick to tell us "In that order!"  Me, not so much.  After God and family, I'm stuck.  I tend to try to give everything I work on the same amount of weight and this is so unrealistic and is a huge component of my stress.

Pressure.  In high school I was in everything:

• Minority Student achievement network
• Reading tutor for ESL students
• Captain of Varsity Basketball
• Editor of the opinion column
• Senior Class President
• Swimming
• Orchestra
• Track
• Quest

As I reflect back it makes total sense why I still have this natural urge to do a zillion things!  The pressure comes when it's not enough to just be apart of something,  I feel like I have to be the best.  I think I took on more and more hoping to break the chain of being good at all things but never THE BEST at one thing.  I wasn't the star player on the basketball team.  I could never get first chair in orchestra.  I wasn't the last leg on our 4X100 relay team.  I was always searching for my niche and to this day I believe I still feel the pressure to find that one thing Kesia King is the best at.

Karyn Washington

After hearing and reading about Karyn Washington (blogger/activist) and Titi Branch (co-owner of Ms. Jessie's natural hair care products) both of whom committed suicide, when they seem to have had everything going for them, it started to make sense.  So many of us are afraid to show weakness and we tend to take on this superwoman/superhuman complex.

After reading articles like, "The Truth Behind The Strong Black Woman Stereotype" and "4 Ways Strong Black Women Syndrome Keeps Us Poor' I am further convinced that this syndrome will start making more of us sick both mentally and physically, if we don't start talking about it openly and make the appropriate efforts to change.

Titi Branch

Once upon a time I would never imagine hearing or witnessing young black women committing suicide.  Yet as I've grown, I've been slapped in the face with challenges ranging from having a baby out of wedlock, facing unemployment at a time I needed money the most and worried about being able to make my next rent payment. I also experienced dealing with identity issues and having a child in the ICU for a month after delivery, the list goes on.  I'd be lying if I said I never contemplated the idea of giving up.

Life is so much more than stupid accomplishments. It's more than being wealthy and having a senior title.  It's more than passing an exam or closing on a deal. We can't go around thinking we can solve everyone's problem, pay everyone's bill, bail out all our hommies.  At some point we can't support every need a family member has, we have to let our kids grow up even if that means giving tough love and telling them it's time to move out of the house.  That partner that's living off of you, needs to go! If they're not making you better the truth is they're stifling your growth.

Everyone of us is wearing some sort of disguise.  Know when to take yours off!  Talk to another sister, to another brother, to your mom, dad, Godmom, husband, wife, child, pastor, counselor, whoever it may be in your life.  No one in this world is exempt from pain, no matter how good they look (laughing at myself).  Everyone has struggled with something.  As the saying goes, "No, is a complete sentence." Learn when to say no and when to move on, don't let the the Mary Jane Syndrome, kill you.

Love and blessings!

5 Signs You Got A Bad Weave

I will tell you this, hair extensions are not for the faint of heart. Ittakes time to become a connoisseur of weave and I'm still learning myself through a lot of trial and some error! The best thing about weave, clip-ins, wigs, braids, crochets and any other type of extensions is that it gives our hair a break from styling and also allows versatility.  However, with weave comes great responsibility, it is extremely important that when you decide to add hair you either go hard or go home!

What?!?! Yes, you betta bring it! Don't half ass a weave, it's either quality or nothing at all.  My definition of quality does not mean spending $100 or more on a bundle of hair, that ladies, is some good ole fashion marketing! A good weave is about two things: the hair and the install.  I'm going to share my top 5 lessons learned when purchasing hair and installing a weave.  Learn from my mistakes and avoid the embarrassment and shame of a bad weave.

Number 5: Shedding & Tangling

Despite what many think shedding really has to do with the way the hair is wefted.  According to blackhairmedia.com, high quality Remy Hair is mechanically machine wefted and sewn by industrial sewing machines while Virgin Hair is more commonly known to be wefted by human operated sewing machines.  As a result, it's said that Virgin Hair tends to shed a bit more but keep in mind shedding is normal.  Think about your hair, when you comb it doesn't it shed?

Now, if  you walk around your house and leave a trail of hair behind you, that my dear is a sign, you got a bad weave and should not repurchase that brand/type of hair.  There are things you can do to prevent additional shedding like purchasing double wefted hair or sealing your wefts with fabric glue.

Excessive tangling is a great indicator of a bad weave.  Good hair does not tangle at the nape of the neck.  Yes, you'll need to brush it out here and there to bring the hair back to life but by no means should strands be sticking together! That is unacceptable; girlfriend toss that hair and never look back!

Be sure to watch my videos on YouTube (Channel KesiaKing) for hair and product reviews.  Also search other Vloggers and get details on what brands to buy and their associated pros and cons.

Number 4: Multi-color install

Ombre is toally in, but having naturally dark hair and purchasing a color 4 (brown) is not.  This is another all or nothing moment.  If you choose to wear a leave-out and have your edges exposed make sure you find hair that matches your natural color.  This can be tricky if you're like me and have multiple highlights in your hair.  You have to make the decision to either dye your hair to match the color of the weave you're purchasing or go for a full sew-in and don't leave any hair out.

Your black hair on red weave are not highlights.  I'm not saying this for anyone to get defensive, I've been there, but some people won't tell you it looks bad because they're being nice. I'm keeping it all the way one hundred - remember go hard or go home ladies, do it right!  What I've recently began to do is purchase the same color bundles and closure, then going to the drug store to purchase color. This way, all the weave has the same base color and then when I go in to add highlights.

Number 3: Frequent mirror checks

One of the many perks of having a good weave is being able to just get up and go with minimal styling. You know you have a bad weave when you're constantly adjusting and readjusting your install.  Whether you're checking the mirror to ensure a track isn't showing or trying to dodge the blowing wind (lol, now that's funny).  Leave the overly thick, heavy weaves for the celebs it's not very conducive to everyday life, but be sure to have enough hair added that it covers possible flaws in your install.  I generally go with 2 1/2 to 3 bundles for a full sew-in.

2. Mismatched textures
It's important that we know and understand our hair before deciding to get extensions.  Research is required and there are several questions you should ask yourself before making a purchase.  I really think some women don't understand the level of thought that must be put into choosing hair and a stylist.  The most important things to consider are the following:

What activities will you engage in with this weave? This sounds really funny as I'm typing but it's the truth. Do you workout frequently?  Are you going on vacation and plan to swim?
If you're natural you know that water and sweat will "expose your curlies," as I like to say. Basically, your edges and your leave-out will revert back to it's natural state while your extensions stay bone straight.  In order to avoid mismatched textures opt for a full sew-in, this will give you complete coverage and you won't have to avoid the gym or the pool.  Another thought would be to get a courser type of hair installed.  Peruvian hair is a bit more course and in my opinion matches the texture of African American hair a bit better than Brazilian. If you're natural consider a style like crochet braids, box braids or marley twists.  There are also a number of styles you can wear with Kanekalon hair. Extensions should allow you to do more activities with less work. Don't be that girl that doesn't have fun because she just got a new weave!

Do you live or will you be visiting a humid climate?
Climate has always been a huge factor in

black women's hairstyle selection.  We know rain and humidity are like our kryptonite! That sleek on fleek flatiron job you got done on your edges and leave out will poof right on up faster than you can make it to the car for rain cover or seek shelter for air conditioning. If your hair is relaxed you don't have to worry about this because your hair will continue to lay.  My advice, if you have natural hair is to get a full sew-in, opt for curly weave or get a style with bangs for a more natural look. If you want a straight weave, go for a closure so you can wear a faux part providing the illusion that the hair is growing out of your scalp, when in actuality none of your hair is exposed.

Number 1: Unhealthy Hair

When all the weave, extensions, clip-ins, glue, etc. is out, what is the condition of your hair? A good weave should promote hair growth. Your hair can even thicken from a good weave because you're minimizing the daily stress you would typically put on your hair.  A bad weave pulls on your edges and can possibly leave you edge-less due to a poor install. If you have a leave-out and you notice a lot of breakage it's probably because the mismatch in texture was so extreme, that you found yourself straightening your hair daily.  How you and your beautician care for your hair under your weave  is important.

 I love making u-part wigs because I can take them off easily and wash the wig and my hair separately.  I take the wig off every 4 weeks, wash  and deep condition my hair, braid it back up and throw the wig back on. Clip-ins are quick to remove so you can easily continue your daily hair care regimen.  If you wear braids, crochets or twist, be sure to oil your scalp and even rub shampoo over your braids a couple times a month to rinse out dirt, debris and oil build up.  Be sure that you dry your hair properly to avoid mildew caused by wet hair under a sew-in or wig.

Even if you wear weaves consistently and never expose your real hair, it's important to maintain the health of your hair.  Keeping extensions in too long can cause major issues with your real hair.


Honorable mentions from Aaron King (husband): You know you got a bad weave if...

6. White people can tell it's a weave
7. It gets up and runs across the room
8. It looks like a mop sitting on your head
9. If the weave's texture is nappier than your normal hair
10. If it smells like hay or corn chips