As the day went on I grew more angry and more confused. After reading post after post on Facebook my anger turned to anxiety and then I felt the slow roll of a solitary tear that tasted like no other tear I've cried before.
My tear isn't just for Mike Brown or the other brothas being killed unnecessarily...mine fall from the uneasiness I'm feeling after watching video after video of the looting and reading the written reactions that bleed of hate. I see self hatred, us blaming us for bringing this all on ourselves. People feeling like things will never change and never get better. I cry for those that have no hope, those that don't believe we have role models, those that fear police, and no longer believe they are here to protect and serve but rather kill and justify.
As a Sista I don't embody the same type of fear my brothas do, I don't worry as much about the brutality. Although I'm brown skinned at least I can lean on my womanhood as a way to avoid some of the unjust stereotypes and behavior black men often experience from people of the opposite race. Hell, even the President of the United States can't get a break so who'd ever think a "regular" black man could ever see a day where he isn't judged by the color of his skin.
It's as if we put on this threatening black mask, crawl out from the shadows and spook those that do not look like us. We are monsters, savages, aliens that do not speak the Kings language so we are treated like animals. We are watched, hunted, shot down...we are prey, we are game. Is this a game? It might as well be. We sit, hundreds of thousands sit and spectate videos and reenactments of black men being slain. Some boo at the sight of injustice while others cheer silently. At the buzzer, the jury decides a verdict and more often times than none, fans of "team black" end up with our heads buried in our hands. Loser, the one word we strive our hardest to never embody because since we were little all we've known in life is that by any means necessary we must prove that we are not losers.
Is it just me and my wild imagination or does it feel like our white brothers and sisters seem to have been born winners and have to do something catastrophic to get to loser status. Yet black women and men are pushing, shoving, kicking and pulling to make it to the top. Some try to reach the top by any means necessary and as a result end up dead or in jail. Others grind it out, find open doors and let themselves in.
This blog was supposed to be about fashion and hair but I want it to be more than that. I'm a fan of team black and I know a lot of successful black people. I know entrepreneurs, Ivy League graduates, scientist, engineers, models, businessmen and women, politicians, educators, musicians and the list goes on. This blog will be a platform to expose the truths about our people in a way that is rarely ever publicized.
Help me give the world black role models, we are them and we need to be seen, our stories need to be published and I want to write them. If you are successful and/or working towards it email me your story and some pics and I'll feature you on my blog. This will be something I and everyone else in the world can DIGG!
Kesia.king@gmail.com
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